Can marriage ruin your relationship?

If you’ve ever wondered if marriage will ruin your perfectly good relationship, you’re not alone. Having a committed relationship can be really hard to begin with… why would you want to rock the boat?

Is marriage actually something worth entering into, or is it just a piece of paper?

*This article is pertaining to intimate relationships of heterosexual couples. 

Well, before we talk about if marriage can “ruin” your relationship, it’s imperative to note that marriage will “change” your relationship.

Forever.

Once you enter into a lifelong covenantal marriage union with your romantic partner, there is no turning back. Things will never be exactly the way they once were.

There is no exit strategy. 

Once you’re married, you’re in it for the long haul. It can really feel like there’s a ton of pressure to get it right, can’t it? 

Not to worry, let’s discuss this.

God is the one who designed marriage. God knows everything, and nothing is hidden from his view. If you’re married, then you’re married to the person you were destined to marry. 

*If you’re in a relationship with emotional abuse, physical abuse, or any kind of abuse, PLEASE seek the guidance of a christian counselor or a family therapist and please get to a safe place immediately.

We must understand that no single person is sinless besides Jesus Christ Himself.

No matter how wonderful your potential spouse is, they are still sinners at best (This includes all of us, by the way…) This means, they’re going to frustrate you at times!

That doesn’t mean you married the wrong person, it just means you married a sinner. Don’t panic! It’s going to be okay. 

 I remember the first disagreement I had with my husband after we were married and it dawned on me. I can’t run away from this. There was no option but to turn and face the music.

We had to do the hard work required to build a strong marriage and it wasn’t going to be easy. We’ve both come a long way since then.

My point is… there comes a certain point in your marriage where you will inevitably doubt your level of sanity on the day of your wedding. What was I thinking? 

If you haven’t guessed by now, I am a huge advocate for marriage.

Marriage is a huge blessing! It will change your life forever. And it will be SO good.

That to say… it’s not always easy. (More on this later)

A great relationship vs a bad relationship

Sometimes it IS really easy, and your spouse will (hopefully) make your life easier.  At the end of the day, you will have someone to give you a bear hug and offer you some chocolate. 

You’ll be better equipped to withstand the hardships because there’s someone always on your team. 

“It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper fit for him.” 

Genesis 2:18

God created the union of marriage for our flourishing. A healthy relationship will help us grow into the best versions of ourselves! 

Words of life

I highly recommend “Fierce marriage” as a resource for romantic relationships. In their podcast, I’ve often heard the analogy that your spouse has a direct line to your heart.

Your spouse can speak words of life into your heart in profound ways, or they can break you down like no one else possibly could. 

If your spouse is willing to speak words of encouragement into your life, then you will find yourself rising to the occasion. 

And same with you to them. 

Train yourself to SEE the best in them! It’s easy to see the ugly, messy, unsavory habits that irritate us. After all, we do have a front-row seat to our partner’s faults. 

But we can train ourselves to marvel at the goodness of their integrity and genuine kindness to us. This shouldn’t be taken for granted. 

And with that, take it to them with your encouragement. Speak words of life over your spouse!

Together, you will grow in the little things.

Ok… so why can’t you just have a long-term relationship?

Because, there is something SO intimate about being bound to someone for the rest of your life. Until death do us part.

Without that covenantal arena, you may (understandably) wonder if or when your partner will want to leave or move on. Negative feelings will undoubtedly happen at one point or another.  

You have to be able to trust your spouse to stick with you.

Only in a marital union can you achieve the deepness and richness that God wants to bless you with. 

If you want to dive deeper on this subject, please check out my post on 

11 important biblical reasons for marriage.

Good marriages take work!

I love when I’m reminded that blessings often require a lot of work. A healthy marriage is no different. 

If we aren’t continually working on better loving our spouses, then things will often want to drift into the dark territory of an unhappy marriage.

Many marriages will need a little couples therapy to work on effective communication. Some marriages will have marital conflict over long term sin issues that are bringing distrust and hurt to their spouse.

It’s not always easy. But if we both are pursuing Christ, and willing to grow in the fruit of the spirit, then the possibilities are truly endless. 

Marriage is the best place for a family life to flourish.

Marriage at the center of the family unit is the best way for all family members to have a framework for life. The family will be secure and the children (if children there be) will feel safe. 

Study’s even show that married people have better physical health outcomes than that of single people. That’s not exactly surprising with the lifelong nature of marriage!

You want to keep this person around for as long as possible. This is best done by prioritizing each others’ individual needs. We want to be healthy and well so we can do all the fun things together!

Married Sex Life

Speaking of fun things to do together…

 Being able to enjoy the marriage bed guilt-free the way God intended is one of the most wonderful gifts He gives us!

Having the same sexual partner for a long time (ya know, forever) is the best way to create the deepest level of vulnerability and richness that is only achievable through this kind of avenue. It’s the ultimate safe space. 

By entering into marriage, you will unlock this amazing gift for yourself and your significant other. 

So, will marriage ruin your relationship?

No. Marriage will take you deeper together than you ever could have otherwise gone. 

If you’re happy with someone and you’ve been getting to know each other for a while, should you pursue marriage?

Absolutely! Marriage is a wonderful gift from God, and can bring the biggest blessings in your life.

It’s understandable to have reservations about marriage with today’s divorce rates and the negative impact of social media use distorting our standards.

But as long as you understand marriage is always between two sinners just trying to love each other the best they can, than you’re going to be all right. 

Frequent conflict can be a normal part of working through hard seasons together. Don’t give up. Spouses are better than best friends. 

There are so many ways in which marriage can bless your relationship. If you’ve found the right person and there are no huge red flags, then it’s a good idea to take the plunge! 

Marriage is such a good thing, and will take some work. But you can do it!