Should married couples have regular date nights?

Read your Bible, cook healthy foods, exercise regularly, stay in touch with friends, be a present parent, keep the house clean, and on and on it goes… Oh yeah! AND we’re supposed to prioritize our marriage too?!

Life is hectic sometimes, and the demands can feel crushing.

But our marriage is foundational to our lives, and will affect our parenting, friendships, health, and so much more.

*This post is pertaining to marriage relationships, not domestic partnerships.

Related: 11 important Biblical reasons for marriage

Having a strong and loving marriage will make us much more equipped for the battle of life. 

When you’re in a really busy season, you can at least look at your spouse and think, “Life is crazy right now, but we’re in this together!”

Staying connected through regular dates is a great way to make sure your relationship stays strong.

If we neglect each other for a long time, we will find ourselves drifting farther and farther from each other emotionally. This is NOT a great place to be.

When you start drifting apart in marriage, it is really easy to assume you know what the other person is thinking.

Once you assume they’re thinking something negative, you get mad about it, and they can sense you’re mad. Once they sense you’re unhappy with them, they may get defensive while assuming you are thinking a certain thing about them.

Once they’re defensive they will start acting more unkind and sharp towards you, which results in you feeling unloved and hurt. Which goes on and on and on until there is a big confrontation and many hurt feelings.

And it all started from nothing essentially. What were we even mad about in the first place?

Let’s not give any opportunity to the devil.

Using regular dates to stay connected in marriage.

We MUST stay connected with our spouse! But, fear not, it doesn’t need to be complicated. It can be, if you’d like it to be.

But we can keep it super simple, because, let’s face it… if it’s complicated we probably won’t stick with it.

Best date night ideas for married couples.

I want to do a quick exercise with you.

Picture your spouse when you were falling in love. Remember how you couldn’t wait to see each other again. Remember how you got butterflies when they would call you. How your day was so much better when you could see them and be together.

Now, remember that romantic spark. 

Hold on to that warm fuzzy feeling as we talk through some of these points here.

*Disclaimer: I am not a mushy romantic. I’ve never been a cuddly person, and I have to work on not being too harsh and blunt. This is coming from someone who HAS let the romantic notion lie flat in marriage because I always thought “I’m just not into romance.” 

However, I hope this will highlight just how important it truly is to stay connected in your marriage. Even if you’re not a “romantic” person, you can still invest in your marriage with loving intentionality.

Treat date nights like an appointment

Does this make you giggle? We’re going to get really official and treat our dates like an appointment!

But in all seriousness, most of us keep our appointments. We say “no” to other things because we have something on the schedule.

If you use a schedule app, mark out the date and set the reminder. This is a priority!

What are the things that would keep us from having frequent date nights?

-Childcare. 

Well, this is a real obstacle, to be sure. But please try to find something that works.

If you don’t have a trusted relative you could ask, maybe you have another family in the same situation and you could trade babysitting nights with them so they can get regular dates as well!

There are lot of couples are missing out on regular date nights. 

If you really don’t have anyone in the area that you can ask to watch the kids, then try finding a new trustworthy babysitter.

If you’re uncomfortable leaving your kids with a stranger (like I am) then I would recommend having them watch your kids while you’re home a few times to have a trial run.

You could work on a separate project, and just be in the home to supervise how they are managing the children. This will give you good sense of how comfortable you (and the kids) are with this new babysitter.

If none of these options work, then you will have to just put the kids to bed a bit early and have your date night in the home. As long as you’re able to have some *uninterrupted* one-on-one time it still counts!

Don’t forget to end your date nights with a little intimacy.

How can christian women feel sexy?

What else would keep us from having date nights?

-Money.

Especially in the season of having young children, money can be really tight.

This is a valid concern. However, there are plenty of date nights that are inexpensive, or even free.

Think of all the ways you can enjoy nature for free. Walking through a local park is simple and costs nothing. You could pack a picnic and save the money you’d be spending at a restaurant.

 In-home date nights are especially frugal as well. A simple movie night together on the couch could be such a sweet date night.

Playing a few board games could be really fun as well! But, if you tend to get too competitive, it may be best not to play board games against your spouse.

We want to end the night feeling connected and refreshed, not annoyed and frustrated.

It’s not about what you’re doing, but who you’re doing it with. (There’s that sexual relationship again!)

What are other things that would keep us from regular date nights?

-Too busy.

This one may sound valid but it’s not.

If you’re too busy to prioritize your marriage, you need to examine the schedule and cut out some things. You need to figure out how to make it work. 

Also, your date nights don’t have to happen on a weekly basis. If it feels like you’re “too busy” you could try spacing the dates out a bit. BUT don’t let them slip completely from the schedule.

Try to pick something that will anchor it to the schedule with some regularity. 

You could examine your work schedules and find a time that there is a natural break, something that comes every so often and use that as your date night opportunity. 

My sweet husband works shift work (bless his heart) and he works a 5-week rotation. There is a sweet spot in his 5 weeks that is a great opportunity for us to use as a date night.

It isn’t weekly, or even monthly, but before we know it the time passes and we’re planning our next date night! It works great for us.

It’s not about “weekly date nights” or any specific date night frequency. It’s about making sure you give your spouse some undivided attention, and loving one another well.

I want to encourage you to find something that works for your marriage in the season of life that you’re in. Just make sure you make the intentional effort to achieve some special time together. 

What else would keep us from prioritizing regular dates?

-Feeling guilty for doing something without the kids.

It can be really easy to feel guilty for doing anything fun without the kids. But I want to push back against that just a bit. 

We are modeling for our kids what a marriage looks like.

If they never see us doing anything fun together and all we do is bicker (back to becoming disconnected) they will think marriage looks like a miserable experience.

Marriage can be so much fun! But we can’t reap the benefits if we aren’t willing to invest the time and effort. 

It can be really easy to think our marriage will always be there, and our kids won’t. Our marriage is forever, and our kids will move out in a few years.

BUT it’s still so important for us to be spending some alone time together and working on a healthy relationship now.

The #1 reason to stay connected through regular date nights

There’s one more HUGE reason why it’s crucial to your married life to have a regular dates.

As we go through life, we will (God willing) be growing and learning all the time. We will (hopefully) be growing in our faith and learning new skills, and we may even shift our view in certain politics or theology.

We could be changing fundamentally how we think about many huge topics. These things will affect the way we view life in general. 

If we aren’t staying connected with our spouse, we could end up feeling very divided on really important life issues.

It’s okay to not agree on everything, but it IS especially important to know where our spouse lands on really important topics. Furthermore, if we don’t agree on certain big issues, we can at least understand why our spouse came to feel the way they did about them. 

Spending quality time together will be our greatest weapon against drifting apart. 

Final encouragements

Real life is busy, and marriage takes a lot of hard work. I hope this doesn’t feel like another thing to add to your to-do list. 

The benefits of occasional date nights will be far-reaching.

You will have so much more joy in life, and your family life will thrive. Your relationship quality with your spouse will be characterized by love. 

You may even find that you’re able to be a better parent. I can’t tell you how often my husband has spoken into my mothering in a way that is constructive, loving, and comforting. 

The benefits of date nights are innumerable.

We don’t have to make some elaborate plans, we can keep it simple and still have a good time together. Remember, it’s not what you’re doing, but who you’re doing it with. 

Your spouse is your person! They deserve your romantic love. 

Marriage is one of the most important things in your life. You deserve to have a rich and happy marriage!

God bless your marriage today.