How can Christian women feel sexy and beautiful?

If you’re a married Christian woman you may be wondering….”How can Christian women feel sexy and beautiful?” 

*This article is pertaining to Christian married women.  This is not pertaining to domestic relationships between people of the opposite sex that are not married.* 

Feeling attractive goes so much deeper than wearing bright makeup or tight clothing. In fact, I would argue that most Christian homemakers wouldn’t feel comfortable in something flashy or fluorescent. (If that IS your style, that’s great!) 

This is so much more than just physical appearance.

We have to start with WHY we want to be attractive.  

For our husband, of course!

Our husbands have a lot of sexual temptation bombarding them almost constantly.

If we let ourselves dwell on this, we can really start to lose confidence in our physical appeal to our man. (Especially with the ups and downs of bearing children.) 

Only a few generations ago, a man never saw another woman’s body unless it was his wife. 

Imagine that! No billboards, no workout ads, no sex scenes in movies.

Literally the only woman that let him see her body was the ONLY one he was having a sexual relationship with.

Oh what a mercy that would be. To only have eyes for your wife in that way. 

I feel for the Christian men of our day, honestly. I can’t imagine the sexual temptations. 

But ladies….what can WE do about it?

Well, I have theorized, and my husband concurs, that all the temptation can feel less impactful if his sexual desire has been satisfied in his wife.

In short, let’s keep our men satisfied! 

This is not to say it is up to us to keep our husband from sinning sexually. But because we love our men, we want to help them if we can

But practically speaking….How can we feel sexy and beautiful for our husband?

I’m getting there, I promise. But first we need to talk about mindset. 

If we just look around at the “perfect” attractive women who are airbrushed and perfectly edited, and see our postpartum stretch marks, we can easily lose heart.

We can actually want to hide our extra pounds from our husbands and end up depriving him of a great pleasure. 

Odds are, our husbands have never said anything degrading about our outward appearance.

I am a woman and I know the condemning thoughts that can fill our minds about our body image. (It happens to all of us.)

But we need to not assign those thoughts to our husbands! I’d bet, he is perfectly thrilled at the thought of having sex with you in every season of life!

If you are seriously doubting me…..try asking him! This would make a great conversation for any married couple. 

In fact, He may even find your extra curves to be a little more exciting!

Now, I want you to think about things in reverse.

If your husband ages (which is bound to happen in our lifelong journey together!) will you still love him? If he gets a gray hair or wrinkle, will you still want him? What about an extra pound or two? 

Of course you will still adore him. 

The older I get, the more I realize I’m honestly attracted to the “real man” attributes of my husband. He is my standard of sex appeal. 

Think about the things you find most attractive about your own husband. Does he know? It would only bless him if you told him.

As we move on to what we can do to practically feel more sexy and beautiful for our husbands, we need to keep it in perspective.  

You are presenting yourself to your own husband.

He has preferences and has probably mentioned those to you.  Does he compliment you when you wear a particular outfit? Does he tell you he likes your hair a certain way? Does he get excited about a certain bra? 

I am currently 6 months postpartum with baby #4. It takes me about a year to lose all the baby weight. The stretch marks are forever, though!  

I totally understand there are seasons where you just want to be comfortable and dressing “sexy” is just not in the question. 

But there are a few things we can do to still feel like we are somewhat attractive to our husband. 

I remember feeling self-conscious about my breasts after a certain period of breastfeeding. I was always trying to hide them, even during intimacy. There came a point where my husband sweetly reminded me, “But they’re the only ones I get.” 

It was so sweet, and it was such a poignant reminder that… I’m the only wholesome source of sexual satisfaction for him. 

Ladies, have you really thought about this before?

If your husband finds sexual satisfaction in anything outside of you, it is sinful. His desire for you is by God’s design! And it is good. 

In order for us to be interested in any sexual activities with our husbands, we first have to be in the right mindset.

I’ve heard it said that men are like a microwave (can be ready to go at any moment’s notice!) and women are more like a crockpot. (We can take a little warming up!)

If we “feel sexy” we will be so much more ready to engage with our husbands than if we are moping around in our ratty sweatpants and his old t-shirt we’ve commandeered. 

Now, I love a soft worn-out husband t-shirt as much as any woman. But my point is, if we feel like we are attractive to our husband, we will be one step closer to “warming up” for our him.

So let’s work with what we’ve got!  

I’m not going to tell you to lose weight or buy expensive clothes.  

We are in it for the long-haul. We are looking for ways to showcase our physical beauty in a way that doesn’t depend on the season of life we are in.

Through thick and thin!

We have too much at stake to risk taking too long before coming together in physical intimacy. The apostle Paul tells us not to deprive each other except for a limited time, and then come back together again so we are not tempted. 

This sounds like encouragement for the ups and downs of family life. There will be seasons that look different than others as far as intimacy goes. And that’s okay.

The right place to start feeling sexy is with personal hygiene.  

Have you ever felt less-than-fresh and your husband wants to embrace you, and you feel yourself wanting to squirm away?

We want to WANT to be embraced by him! So whatever this looks like for you, take the time to freshen up on a regular basis.  

I understand this can be a real challenge when you’re in a season of young kids.  If you’re consistently having a hard time getting a shower, and staying fresh, then ask your husband to help you.  

Maybe he could read to the kids after supper and you can get a nice shower or bath.  Maybe it works better to shower first thing in the morning. For me, showering right before bed seems to be the only time that is always going to work.

Whatever the time you choose to aim for, just try to make this happen for yourself.

Seriously, you deserve to feel fresh.  And you will have more sexual confidence knowing you smell good too!

Honor your body. 

This one can be really tricky when you’re in survival mode or autopilot.

I know lots of mamas that accidentally fast all day because they just get busy and by 3pm they realize they’re ravenous. Oops! 

Caring for our bodies can either be something we completely push to the back-burner, or we can make it an idol.

We have to try to strike a healthy balance. 

God’s word says…

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31

It can be so easy to forget we are honoring our bodies as a temple of the Holy Spirit.  

Honoring our bodies can have so many different facets. 

We should be nourishing our bodies with wholesome food regularly.

Why is it so easy to feed my kids lunch and forget to feed myself lunch? I know I’m not the only one!

Do what you can to make sure you are prioritizing the nourishment of your body. By the way, you should be taking some vitamins too!

On the flip side, we should not be unkind to our bodies by cramming in a dozen cookies before breakfast. Or maybe you don’t have a sugar weakness like I do.

Maybe you have too much wine in the evening. Whatever we do, we should be kind to our bodies.

A treat is such a gift once in a while, but I think we all know when it has spilled over into a bad habit. Maybe you don’t have any unhealthy bodily habits… if that’s you, then that’s wonderful. 

The goal here is to have a healthy vitality so we have some energy left at the end of the day for our husbands.

This might even look like taking a little rest in the afternoon, so you can be refreshed enough to give your husband a few minutes of you in the evening. 

Let’s honor our bodies with exercise.

Now, I know there are seasons where it’s feasible to get up before the kids and get to the gym. I know there are seasons where that would actually be more harmful than helpful (sleep regression….) 

Maybe your version of exercise is an afternoon walk with the kids.  Maybe you just do 15 minutes of weight lifting before getting dressed in the morning.  

It really can be as simple as you make it, but try to do something for yourself.  You deserve it!

Feel sexy and beautiful by dressing well.  

I know I specifically said I wasn’t going to say you need to buy a new outfit.

But, do you have clothes that you feel good in? Do you have things that are (moderately) flattering?

Do you have anything to wear that makes you feel somewhat put together? 

As a homemaker, there are days when we are in our home all day, and maybe we don’t see anyone outside the house. It can be tempting to just wear pajamas all the time.

But when I stop to think about who I am actually trying to impress…. my husband!

Why was my logic telling me I didn’t need to dress nicely or put on makeup unless I was going to see strangers? It’s actually my husband that I want to give the best of me. 

So, if you’re unsure if you have any decent clothing to wear, you can totally get creative!

Some of my all-time favorite clothing items have been thrifted or found at rummage sales.  

I love finding a good treasure! 

If it’s actually in your budget to find a few nice pieces to have in a capsule wardrobe, then that is wonderful too.

I would also recommend getting a kitchen apron to avoid getting kitchen stains on your clothes and stay looking fresh!

Feel sexy and beautiful by not being so hard on yourself! 

When we think back to our wedding night and picture the woman our husband married, we can get discouraged.  

Maybe our body type hasn’t changed all that much, but maybe it has.

But you know your own body, and you know every new wrinkle and extra inch. Sometimes it feels super challenging to not be so hard on ourselves!

But try to give yourself grace. Try to be thankful for everything your body can do and not nitpick every intimate detail. 

Try not to point out to your husband every imperfection you see in your body.

 Maybe he was completely unaware of your new cellulite.  Maybe he was actually enjoying the extra “junk in your trunk”.  

Odds are, he sees your body through the lens of a long time journey lived together, and not through the wishes of a model complex.

Your husband’s sexual desires for you is a good thing! Let him enjoy you without you pointing out every little thing you’re unhappy with (bodily speaking).

Be joyful! 

What does being joyful have to do with feeling sexy? 

Everything. 

Sometimes when I’m having a hard time being grateful in a situation, I imagine how I would feel about the opposite situation.  

For instance, if I’m really “not in the mood”, and my sweet husband gives me “the look”.  I’m tempted to feign a headache and ask to be left alone.

But if I take a moment to think about the opposite situation.

What if we couldn’t enjoy our marriage bed for some reason? What if something happened to him? 

I would want him more than anything. 

It can really help me be thankful for him and be more apt to want to enjoy our gift of sex. 

A mentor of mine once said she decided to smile at her husband every night when he came home and it changed the whole temperature of their home.  

Do you smile at your husband when he comes home?

Do you stop what you are doing and greet him with a real kiss? One that makes the kids say “EWW!”

Maybe that’s our challenge for tonight! 

How can Christian women feel sexy?

Putting the words “Godly woman” and “sexy” in the same sentence might feel a little odd.  But I think it’s totally fitting!

Sexual attraction in marriage is God’s gift for us to enjoy. Married sex is a beautiful thing.

It is God’s plan for married people to enjoy each other with great sex.

Think back to your wedding day.  You probably were so excited to finally get to have your future husband all to yourself forever.

In the busy and mundane of everyday life (especially with small children in the mix) it can be easy to forget where we started from.

Enjoy each other today.