Is it important to celebrate all marriage anniversaries?

Should married couples celebrate each and every anniversary? 

In the busy chaos of everyday life, sometimes we can let the “less important” anniversaries fly under the radar… but should we be prioritizing our anniversaries? 

What about the 4th anniversary? What about the 12th? How about the 20th? See, we would jump at that last one saying, “We should throw a BIG party! Let’s call the caterer!” But why is it so easy to overlook the seemingly less monumental marriage anniversaries? 

We are all very busy, and when you’re in the thick of raising youngsters and trying to build your careers, we have to relinquish the “less” important priorities in life or we will inevitably lose our minds. 

I’m a huge proponent of saying “no” to things in life so we can really show up for the most important things. But are the “odd” anniversaries worth putting on the calendar?

Yes.

They most certainly are.

Each marriage anniversary is special and unique!

Unfortunately, we are not guaranteed any time in this life. What if this was your last anniversary you got to spend together?

We don’t want to look back and wish we had really slowed down to revel in the joyful life we’ve created together.

Yes, for so many reasons, we should absolutely celebrate each and every anniversary. 

If you aren’t exactly reveling in a joyful life together, we will talk about that in a minute.

*I’m talking about wedding anniversaries, not dating anniversaries. 

If you want to celebrate a dating anniversary, that’s great! However the whole premise of my post is related to the Christian married couple who have publicly vowed to enter into a lifelong covenant together. Not domestic “partnerships”. It’s just a different institution altogether, and must be handled a bit differently.

Big milestone anniversaries

I think most of us would agree that we should go big on the “big” anniversaries. The important milestones, the10-year, 20-year, 50-year. Those are the obvious ones that really make us stop in our tracks and think…”Woah! How did we accomplish this!?” 

That’s so beautiful! And those are certainly moments to cherish and celebrate. 

But the random years in between…what about those?

I’m not saying we need to rent out a banquet hall and gather all the extended family members for every single wedding anniversary. Some years there truly won’t be the bandwidth for a big celebration. Some years money will be tight, and it’s all we can do to put the kids to bed early and have a picnic in the living room.

That would still be a “romantic dinner” together!

Those times would create some precious memories indeed.

The first Anniversary of all the little things.

That first anniversary is so precious, because we can really remember what our special day was like.

The whole first year of marriage is big learning experience. We are still learning how to be married, and figuring out each others’ preferences.

This is such a sweet time to celebrate. We can remember the first time we did many things together, and odds are we still get butterflies when we look at our spouse. Most people don’t need much convincing to celebrate their first anniversary!

“Young couples” growing old together

As the Wedding day gets farther and farther in the past, we can start to drift and feel a little complacent.

Especially if our marriage isn’t in critical condition, we can think, “We’re doing fine, everything’s fine.” But I would argue that a marriage that isn’t actively growing is a marriage that is slowly (or quickly) falling into disrepair. 

What is worth celebrating?

What I’m talking about here is heart posture. 

Do we have a genuine appreciation for our marriage? Do we see it as the holy institution that God ordained it to be? Is marriage held in high regard?

Or do we take it for granted?

Again, I know how busy life can get. The urgency of the things on our to-do list can totally crowd out marriage anniversaries. 

If it’s not all sunshine and roses.

Let’s think about it for a minute. If your marriage WAS falling apart, and you needed counseling or therapy, most people would agree you should make time for that… no-matter-what!

But if we are simply trying to carve out the time to invest in our marriage while things are going relatively well, for some reason it’s easier to think it’s not really a priority.

No, we should be investing our time and energy into our marriage BEFORE we find ourselves in crisis mode. 

Marriage is just too important to not prioritize.

Marriage is work.

Anyone who’s been married for a long time (or any length of time) knows it takes work. It’s not always butterflies and smiles. 

Sometimes it feels like you’re at an impasse that can never be resolved. Sometimes it feels like your spouse really doesn’t like you at all.

These are discouraging moments, to be sure. But when you stick to it, and resolve to work through the ugly stuff, even when it feels easier to run away, that’s something we should be proud of.

You should be so proud of your marriage. 

In a world where divorce is at 42% rate, you should be able to celebrate each year you don’t end up in that statistic.

*Of course I would never condone abuse, and if you’re in an abusive marriage please seek the guidance of your pastor or another christian counselor you can trust.

What if we don’t really want to celebrate our anniversary?

 Whether it’s in the quiet of your own bedroom, or a big public anniversary party, we should be marking these days with joyful celebration. 

If you’re at a place in your marriage where it feels like you’re just roommates shuttling kids to and from events, I want to encourage you to stop for a moment and consider a few things.

Your marriage will (God willing) still be standing long after the kids are out of the house. Your union will be your gift to enjoy even as you grow older together.

If you’re finding it difficult to really embrace wanting to celebrate your marriage, try to remember your first date.

Think back to what it was that drew you to your spouse in the first place. What were the good qualities you admired in your spouse? Was there a specific song that reminds you both of that time?

Better yet, take some time to pull out the wedding photo album and watch some videos of your big day.

Find your wedding vows, and maybe repeat them to each other. 

Let’s remember our promises.

Encouraging others.

Also, if you’ve ever attended a wedding that includes the congregation in some form of “Do you all witness and vow to encourage the couple in their marriage?”, and you’ve said “We will!” Then we should do exactly that.

So often, when a marriage hits a tough spot, people will come out of the woodwork and say things like, “You deserve to be happy!” or “I’ve always thought you could do better!”

Nope.

Not today Satan.

We need people to come around us and remind us that we have sworn an oath to stick together “in sickness and in health” and “in plenty and in want.”

That includes encouraging us to celebrate our marriage anniversaries. 

A real life story

On our 4th anniversary I was visiting with my father-in-law and saying we don’t really need to celebrate this year, because it’s not really a “big deal”. (I was trying to be low-maintenance)

His response will always stick with me.

“But if you don’t celebrate this year, it’ll only be easier to not celebrate your future anniversaries.”

He was coming from almost 40 years of marriage experience and I was inclined to listen carefully.

He knew that as the years pass, it’s only easier to let things slide into “no big deal”, but he was warning me against that.

We would all be wise to listen to his advice.

How should we be celebrating?

This is the fun part! This will look different for each marriage out there, and that’s beautiful.

Each year’s anniversary is a great opportunity to pause life and truly pursue one-another. 

We could find a special anniversary gift for our spouse, or keep it simple with a nice dinner. We can decide to do an in-home date after the kids are in bed, or we can arrange some child-care for a nice weekend trip together.

This can be whatever you both want to do together! 

Try not to feel too much pressure to make this bigger than you’re comfortable with, but the most important thing is to view your anniversary in a positive light.

This is such a good time to ponder some of those important moments you’ve had together through the last year.

Is it actually important to celebrate anniversaries?

Try to embrace those in-between anniversary years while you try to cultivate a good relationship with your spouse. In our married life, we can be tempted to become complacent and just coast along.

Try not to let that happen! 

Maybe we don’t need to be celebrating half years, or monthly anniversaries (that sounds exhausting!) but perhaps we can swing an intentional day once a year devoted to our marriage. We can even do small things to celebrate the passing of another year of marriage.

As those anniversaries come up yearly, I want to encourage you to take the opportunity to grab ahold of the reason to celebrate! Each year is a wonderful accomplishment that we should be proud of. Don’t let the stresses of life overshadow the goodness of your marriage.

Anniversaries matter!